So it’s been 8 weeks since we found out that we had lost our baby. In the weeks following I shared with you the thoughts and emotions that I had to deal with in the wake of that loss. In the time since I wrote those thoughts and feelings down they have changed yet once again. Life is an ever evolving journey.
I have reached a point where I no longer desire to have children. After spending so much effort in that cause I no longer desire it. I’d go so far as to say that I would even avoid it. I am a mother to an angel baby, that baby soul has now gone to be with the creator, the source, the life force that brought it into this world, and also took it back. I was a mother in the physical sense for a short period of time, and I feel fulfillment in that. I feel as though I have done it. I no longer NEED to have a baby, I have one.
My focus has changed and I am now seeking all the things that have always been important to me but that I always put on the back burner in my desire to have a child. I am now excited to see what can happen when I put my full energies into those things and follow what I feel is my life path.
It’s possible someday I may become pregnant again, and I still feel a little bit scared of that possibility, but I am no longer working towards it. If the universe decides to bring me another pregnancy I will have to live each moment, not worrying about the future, not living in the past, but in this moment I am not thinking about it. I am living now.